What You Love...
by Gryphons Kiss
Summary: WARNING: YAOI CONTENT AND FOUL LANGUAGE - Sephiroth sits, on a lonely moonlit night, to reminisce about the love he lost so long ago...


It's Been A While... What You Love...

To Staind's "It's Been A While"   
Lyrics by Aaron Lewis 

Lyrics appear in the // //   
  


"_What you love you never forget,_" someone had once told him.   
Long silver lashes fluttered, eyes blinking, trying to adjust to the dark.   
Well, it had been quite a while since Sephiroth had lost his love. Once he had lost Vincent, he had lost everything. The pride he was clinging to was demolished - every slice the professor had taken at him shredded it. Vincent's angelic face and gentle eyes were still as clear as the blue sky, now darkened and relit by the moon peering through the shades. Of course, Sephiroth could never forget Vincent.   
//And it's been a while   
Since I could hold my head up high   
And it's been a while   
Since I first saw you//   


Sephiroth now hand no one. He was alone. He was only now starting to come into his new life, being head of SOLDIER First Class, and being given a testy freedom with temporary new relief. But it had still been too many seconds too long since he had heard Vincent's sweet, calming, melodic voice in that gentle way...   
//And it's been a while   
Since I could stand on my own two feet again   
And it's been a while   
Since I could call you//   


That had been even longer than the last time he had even _seen_ him. their last meeting - all too brief, even in its purpose - had been a terrible fight. Sephiroth had accused Vincent of being uncaring and neglectful, saying he was never there for him anymore.   
But now Sephiroth could see that it was all just a sick, terrible mistake. Vincent had always done everything he possibly could for Sephiroth. He had bent over backwards just to please Sephiroth - literally.   
//But everything I can't remember   
As fucked up as it all may seem   
The consequences that I've rendered   
I've stretched myself beyond my means//   


Sephiroth let another bitter tear slip, spotlighted by the moonlight. he knew now that he needed Vincent's love to live, like an achingly pleasurable addiction.   
He hated himself for ever letting go.   
he hated himself for fucking up the only good thing at that time. Sephiroth had been abused by Hojo. He had nothing but the pain. Every day that he woke up without his prayers for death answered was torture. It meant nothing but suffering through the days.   
But the nights...the nights made it all worthwhile. In those deep hours, curtained by night's blackness, Vincent came. He kissed and licked every scar, making the pain disappear. Then he slowly slid inside, bringing on a new kind of pain - the pain of pleasure, agony of wanting more, bursts in his chest from excruciating delight. It never stopped as long as the sky was a black backdrop for the diamond stars.   
//And it's been a while   
Since I could say that I wasn't addicted   
And it's been a while   
Since I could say I love myself as well   
And it's been a while   
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do   
And it's been a while   
But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you//   


There were memories, bad ones, that had been lost in the shuffle, because happiness seemed like a blur. But every touch, every feeling, every words Vincent had given him stood out like those stars and that moon that faced him presently.   
The present was exactly what was killing him. He wanted the past back; he wanted the memories back. But that was impossible; nothing could ever be the same, or as good, again. he killed any chance of that happening.   
//But everything I can't remember   
As fucked up as it all may seem   
The consequences that I've rendered   
I've gone and fucked things up again//   


_"Get the fuck out of my life," he had screamed at Vincent, 'you've already ruined it._   
Oh how he regretted those words now. His heart sank.   
//Why must I feel this way//   


He would give it all for his love back. But sadly, even if he saw Vincent again, his lover probably wouldn't even be able to stand the sight of him. And who could blame him? Every one of Sephiroth's tears betrayed his guilt.   
//Just make this go away//   


The longing squeezed at his heart. He wanted Vincent's touch back. He wanted the guilt, regret, and depression to subside. he just couldn't take it anymore. His angel's touch would calm and soothe all the hurting away.   
//Just one more peaceful day//   


Sephiroth wiped the tears furiously from his face. he had brought all of this upon himself. His selfishness had driven away the only person who could love all his faults away.   
//And it's been a while   
Since I could look at myself straight   
And it's been a while   
Since I said I'm sorry//   


Sephiroth had lost Vincent, his one and only eternal love. he was a poor man, robbed of love. 

_"Tenshi, I love you," Vincent whispered, his breath tickling the candlelight that danced across the room. "I always will. I'll never give up on you."_   
__ Sephiroth needed to hear those words. "oh, Vincent," he murmured, slipping his tongue into the older man's mouth to caress it.   
__ The two stayed in the passionate depths of their warm mouths, satisfied with what they knew they had.   
__ But Sephiroth wanted to give his lover more, to show him that he could return everything that was promised to him. he trailed a white-hot path with his lips and tongue down his lover's torso and in between his thighs. He suckled and savored every honey-sweet taste that was Vincent.   
//And it's been a while   
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face   
And it's been a while   
But I can still remember just the way you taste//   


Vincent hadn't done anything wrong to Sephiroth - he had done everything _right_. No matter how hard Sephiroth had tried, searching for a memory to justify his accusations, there just wasn't anything. the reality had been faced - Sephiroth _always_ brought the pain on himself. It was never Vincent. And as for Hojo...well, he didn't know any better than to treat his own son like a lab rat. However, in a sickly comforting way, he had, at times, been a father without realizing it; when he constantly reminded Sephiroth that Vincent was a liar and a murderer, trying to convince him that he should stay away. Afterwards, Sephiroth sometimes thought that this was the best advice ever offered, which should've been heeded, and then none of the pain would've been necessary. But then, once more, Sephiroth pushed those thoughts away, because Vincent was the best thing that could've possibly ever happened to him - he was the sanctuary from the storm.   
//But everything I can't remember   
As fucked up as it all may seem to be I know it's me   
I cannot blame this on my father   
He did the best he could for me//   


The young man sighed and continued to stare wistfully out at the night sky. If Vincent had still been with him, Sephiroth would be too enraptured in ecstasy to even think about the vast deep blue, glittered with stars and crowned with the moon. But Vincent had been taken. Sephiroth didn't even get to say he was sorry; all he wanted was that opportunity, that one last chance to hold his angel, even if he was still stolen away the next day.   
Sephiroth's head bent in shame. He was disgraceful. He didn't even deserve the happiness that was given to him; he never had.   
The moon glowed the same bright silver as his hair and his tears, illuminating the empty space next to him like a cold headstone.   
//And it's been a while   
Since I could hold my head up high   
And it's been a while   
Since I said I'm sorry.//   
  
  
  


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   [1]: http://stellarchiclet.iwarp.com/etreal.htm



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